South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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