Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
