I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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