So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
