Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
