Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
