I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
