I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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