The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
