did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
