On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
