I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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