i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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