i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
do nipples grow back?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
