I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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