last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
