i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
