I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
