Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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