i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
