dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize