I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
