every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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