I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
