his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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