i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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