So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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