Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Even my vagina gasped.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
