the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
