I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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