You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
