omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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