I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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