i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
