The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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