Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
