I didn't shave. On purpose
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Less talking, more tequila
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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