I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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