I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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