I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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