awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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