i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
