Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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