I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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