I think my fart just growled at me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There r osticjed everywhere
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
