We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
