Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
