Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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