Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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