I'm going to rape someone's good day.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
