My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize