and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your cock deserves a montage
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
