And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
