I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
