I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize