If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
