Just fell off a train. Bad.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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