Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
