He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
