you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
