You don't have asthma, your pregnant
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize