No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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