i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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