I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
