My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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