So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
