Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
