What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
