I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
