I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize