So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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