By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
