my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize