Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
