I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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