i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
