Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
