Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
