I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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