I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
