what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize