my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
