come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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