just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
