Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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