Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
