my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
