why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
