i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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