At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
