My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize