is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
