Where did you get a picture of my penis
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
