Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
