girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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