I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
