It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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