If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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