I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
