Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
