As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
