The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
