We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
