Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize