apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
