I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
