I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
