I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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