white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
