im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
