I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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